4/17/14 Confused Party Planner and Out of the Loop

Sunday , 13, April 2014 Leave a comment

Dear Susan:

What do you think of the trend of having coed baby showers? I’ve been to a couple and it just isn’t the same. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think it’s a lot more fun when it’s just the girls. My niece is expecting and I wanted to throw her a shower. Should I invite the guys?

Confused Party Planner

Dear Confused:

The rule of thumb is that if it’s YOUR party, you get to come up with the guest list. And provide the place, the food and the entertainment. Of course if the guest of honor is heartbroken (or furious) that her baby’s father will not be in attendance, your party might not be as much of a success as you’d like. So the first thing to do would be to ask your niece what she thinks. You can try to bring her around to your view, but it is a celebration for her and if she’s not comfortable, what’s the point?

Of course most mothers-to-be get several baby showers. You might go with the idea that yours is going to be a “classic” shower. Invite some of the older generation and play some of the traditional games. The guys will probably be invited to another one. And, from what I’ve seen, they just don’t get the same kick out of creating wedding gowns with toilet paper.

Dear Susan:

I was estranged from my parents and so I wasn’t surprised when I learned third-hand that my father had passed away the month before. But since that time, I’ve been hearing from lots of friends and relatives who also didn’t get the news. I’ve tried to contact my mother, but she won’t take my calls. What should I say to people who ask me what’s up?

Out of the Loop

Dear Out:

Well, either your mother was too grief-stricken to make the announcement or she is using the situation as another way to create drama in the family. The implicit message is that you don’t MATTER enough to told. It is a form of punishment and people who do it are desperate for control. I recommend taking that control away by not getting upset and playing her game. Tell people that you really don’t know what’s up and you are as confused as they are. Repeat as often as necessary.

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